The Wedding

It all passes in the blink of an eye

2010-07-14T07:00:00.001-07:00

(Cross-posted with my normal blog at http://welcometonyeusigrube.blogspot.com/ )

The wedding was wonderful - perfect. The closest thing I can compare it to is seeing particularly good visual fan-art, and having that moment of, "Oh my god, here in front of me is that person I imagined," except it was nothing like that.

If I had dreamed the wedding... well, it would be nothing like this, because in my dreams/anxiety-prompted nightmares, nothing went right. On the day itself, everything went right. I could not have wished for it to be any more beautiful.

We had tons of friends from a variety of places fly in-- Alaska, Washington, Minnesota, and Ohio represented-- and many of them stayed with us before the wedding. I was nervous beforehand about having house-guests, but they were all wonderful. The two who came in early and stayed with us a while (Mace and Devon) before the wedding were seriously the best house-guests you could ask for; they made those last anxiety-filled days so much easier. We all laughed so hard we probably seemed like crazy-people. It was wonderful - and then even more friends came in, and then family I haven't seen in years. Remarkably, air-travel cooperated; several people were early, and not a single person got into the airport late, so our five trips into Logan were relatively easy.

The day of... everything was beautiful. The anxiety dissipated during my hair-and-makeup appointment, after which the sentimental feeling made me nearly cry every time I saw a new person in the bridal party. Have you ever seen women fanning their faces with their hands, usually in silly TV shows and such? I never thought I would actually do that, but lo and behold...

There are a bunch of pictures posted in the Chatter forum on the Message Boards, and I'm sure more stories will come out there if you want to know more. For now... I'm checking back in to real life, with some of the best memories of my life to cherish and hold on to.

Yours,
Mrs. Atwater-Rhodes

PS - yes, we're each keeping our own names, but yes, I am using the Mrs. I fought for the right to be a Mrs in the Massachusetts State House. I'm wearing the title.

2010-06-30T18:14:00.001-07:00

AWWW CRAP, 4 days left!

House guests here now. Whee!

It's going to be awesome.

Look! There's food!

2009-11-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

Very quick update!

We had a food-tasting with our caterer today, which went very yummy. We're quite happy.

To answer a question I've received a couple times now: Thank you to those who have asked us to post our registry online so you can get us a gift, but that isn't necessary. Registry information will go out with wedding invitations.

Also other big-news stuff, which I've hinted at in other locations, but don't want to jinx by talking about it too much.

Just for fun

2009-08-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Just for the fun of it, Mandi and I made an appointment to go try on some "fun" dresses today- big puffy princess dresses and dresses with mermaid skirts, and otherwise the kinds of styles we're really not doing.

The camera we had with us wasn't great quality, so I don't have larger versions of these.

The way the world turns...

2009-08-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

Today I talked to a gentleman from my bank about home loans. Mandi and I have started talking about the possibility of buying our own home sometime next year, probably after the wedding, and I had a few questions I wanted answered.

I had mentioned "My fiancee and I are talking about buying a house" and at some point in the conversation the man from the bank said, "You and your husband, right?" and I corrected, "Wife, but yes."

I didn't hesitate to correct him. I have played the pronoun game in the past, but at this point it didn't occur to me that there might be any problem with being honest. I live in Massachusetts. If I'm treated poorly because of my sexuality, I bring my business to another establishment.

The banker apologized, sounded a little embarrassed, and we moved on with the conversation.

The world is still heterocentric, and I imagine it always will be. After all, if 90% of the people out there are heterosexual, it's still a good bet the person talking to you will be. But at least locally-- and especially in the wedding business-- we've reached a point where businesses are embarrassed and apologetic when they make that mistake. And that's a special kind of progress.

After all, we live in a capitalistic society. The market drives this madness, and weddings are a pretty big market. To quote the executive director of MassEquality in July, 2008, "It's rare when doing the right thing and economic benefits go so closely hand-in-hand."

But seriously, can you imagine how many times and to how many people you have to come out in order to arrange a wedding? The Rabbi, the dress shop, the tux shop, the rental company, the jeweler, the caterer, the cake-baker, the candle-stick maker.

Where are we now; where should we be?

2009-08-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

12+ Months

Set a date: Check. July 4, 2010. Time TBA.
Determine wedding day style and colors: Check. Red/White/Blue, semi-formal, summer outdoor wedding
Hire a wedding planner: Check, in that we've decided to skip this step.
Set up a budget: Kinda-check. A bit of a work in progress, but we have a goal.
Compile guest list: More or less.
Create a web page to announce... uh, well, kind of? We have a blog! And I put an announcement on Facebook and Nyeusigrube.
Choose your wedding party: Check.
Have an engagement party: Check.
Book your ceremony and reception location: Check.
Book your officiant: Check.

9-11 months

Send out save-the-date cards: Still debating whether we're going to
Book your caterer: In progress.
Book your entertainment: Check.
Book your florist: In progress.
Book your photographer: Check.

6 - 8 months

Buy your gown: Check for me, in progress for Mandi
Determine your menu: In progress
Book your cake baker: Connected to caterer
Book your transportation: ??
Book your ceremony musicians: Same as entertainment (DJ)
Buy bridesmaids dresses: Check for me, visiting about tux for my best man, Mandi's bridesmaids in progress
Register for gifts: Ha. No clue yet.

4 - 5 months

Make honeymoon arrangements: Done preliminary discussions
Rent or buy formal-wear: Doing the research
Order invitations: Done preliminary research
Order wedding bands: Identified jeweler
Reserve rental equipment: In progress

3 months, 1 -2 months, 1 - 2 weeks, 3 - 7 days... more lists, but we're not there yet

List from: Roney, Carley. (2007). The knot book of wedding lists: The ultimate guild to the perfect day, down to the smallest detail. New York: Random House.

Less than a year left!

2009-07-25T05:30:00.001-07:00

We found a better caterer-- local, highly recommended by many people, and kosher! Very exciting!

I'm going to see a good friend of mine today, and he's coming with me to try on my dress, which arrived at the bridal store. It'll need to go in for round-one of alterations, at least to add a bustle. [edit: Oh, fie! I just double-checked, and the dress isn't what's in. It's just the veil. Which is nice and pretty and all, but not nearly as exciting. Maybe I'll just pick it up this morning on my own]

On Tuesday I have an appointment with my bridesmaids to hopefully make final dress decisions. Why so early? Because they're discontinuing my color! Que horrible! I might end up changing my style choice... one of my bridesmaids is unhappy about it. I'll see if I can find something all three of us can live with.

Wednesday is a follow-up appointment with the tent people, to try out some different ideas for placement.

Meanwhile, we're on the search for DJs... one possible so far, but hoping more will respond to my emails this week.

We're trying to get as much done before September as we can, since that is when Mandi's schedule especially will go nuts, and there will be no more time for appointments and stuff.

Off I go now to get things from my mother's house and then track down a florist!

My updates

2009-06-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I am so jealous that Amy beat me to the punch with the dress buying. The woman who is paying for my dress has a fractured foot and has been unable to drive and walk far distances the past few weeks. One day She will be well again, and I can get my dress. I think I have an idea of my bridesmaids dresses, but I seem to only find the skirt version of what i want, and no top parts to go with it... Oh well :)
We looked at invitations today... I think we have like 30 that we want to pick from. We'll narrow it down soon enough. We don't need them until December anyways. We should start collecting addresses by September or October so that when we get the save the date cards in December, they're already to go. So much work still needs to be done.
I got an email back from a dance studio down the street from us who will be teaching us how to dance so we don't completely embarrass ourselves. Not that we ever would anyways... cough cough... no really. :)
So much to do... and suddenly it doesn't seem like there is that much time. . .

12.5 months

2009-06-17T02:40:00.001-07:00

A little more than one year out.

I have an appointment to go with my mother to the bridal shop on the 27th. According to multiple sources, you're supposed to start this whole dress-buying-ordering process a year before the date, in order to be safe with the amount of time it takes to order the dress, do fittings, and do alterations if necessary.

I've also picked out my bridesmaids' dresses, which will be in a color called "blue velvet," which is kind of deep indigoy color. I was surprised that the same style looks good on both of my bridesmaids, but apparently it does. My best man will be wearing a tux, not a dress.

In other news:

Mandi and I have spoken to a couple caterers, and have found an option that might work out. Because some of our guests keep strictly kosher, there are some extra food-related challenges, in addition to the fact that catering is apparently flat-out wickedly expensive. I hadn't realized that the food was likely to cost as much as everything else combined. If you're ever planning a wedding, figure out your food first. If you're ever attending a wedding, don't insult the food!

So... we have the location... we've figured out the tent... working on the food... next up is finding a DJ. Oh, and cake-testing. This summer will involve tasting cake.

Updates

2009-04-30T04:48:00.001-07:00

Wow it has been a long time since either of us have posted here. I have no idea if anyone is even still checking this.
So, Amy is going dress-trying-on with 2 of her bridesmaids. I am working on figuring out when I can go to actually buy my dress - sometime in May. When I do, I am sorry, but I am not going to start posting it anywhere, because if too many people see it, then it's bad luck (I just decided this now). I think in the middle of May we are going to go see a potential Kosher caterer, to figure out if they can be the kind of thing we want. Nothing else has really changed. The wedding is still in 14 months, so all the big things don't need to be done yet. We will have to go DJ searching soon, and honeymoon planning sometime in the summer. Theoretically, we're working on the ceremonial stuff, but there has been very little "sit-down" time, and there are interesting issues that keep coming up in terms of what we want to happen in the ceremony.
So that's all folks!
~Mandi

The Rabbi, the march, and other details

2009-03-18T02:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in a while, so here's an update...

Mandi and I met with the rabbi on Monday. As most of you probably know, though I consider myself deeply spiritual, I did not come from a family with a complex religious background. Mandi did, and I love and respect her and her traditions... hence, a rabbi.

I have to admit, I was nervous to the edge of terror about this meeting. When one (or two, more accurately) gets married by a justice of the peace (state official, no religious connection), there are very few requirements. Beyond the necessity of it being legal, the state official does not need to personally approve your relationship. There are good and bad aspects to that, but the point is, if you want to be married within a religion, you need the approval of a religious official of that faith.

Now, we knew this rabbi had experience with inter-faith and gay weddings (I knew this because she had previously worked with my best friend, who recommended her, and he was highly active and influential at MassEquality, one of the major organizations responsible for protecting gay marriage rights here in Massachusetts), and did not object to those on principle, but as someone raised a cross between atheist and pagan, let's just say it made me nervous.

Well, it went swimmingly (for those of you who don't know the phrase: it went very well). Among other things, we talked about wedding traditions, and what the service itself could include, which made me feel much more confident that that part of the wedding planning at least will probably go fairly smoothly... at least until we include my mother, who has some kind of allergy when it comes to references to G-d. We plan to present the service to her as "This is what we have chosen," as opposed to soliciting much advice on that part.

Mandi and I have also probably picked out our processional music. Apparently, the traditional "Here Comes the Bride" is usually not used in Jewish weddings due to its composer's anti-semetic reputation. That's fine - we found one we like better, anyway. It is a song we both find very personally moving, about the connectedness of all things, and finding one's place in the world. We're still deciding between three different versions of the song we've chosen, though.

I suspect you might recognize it...

The lyrics, from the version I prefer, are:

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

There is far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life

On the other hand, while looking for those lyrics I just found this version, which would be pretty cool if Mandi approves the translation... I imagine we would only use the first half (through about 2: 21 in that video). But for all I know the translation is horribly done and carries none of the sentiment of the original, or she otherwise hates it; since I don't speak or read Hebrew, I don't know on my own.

And that's all the news that's fit to print!

Oh, except that Mandi was trying on dresses recently. I'm so envious. I'm waiting for my between-spring-and-summer quarter break, which I believe is in July.

A snowy morning

2009-03-09T06:39:00.000-07:00

I love how yesterday was 60 degrees, and gorgeous all day, and today it's snowing. You gotta love New England. Last night went really well. Aside form getting to see the new puppies that Amy's parents brought home, I got to see her twin nieces, and Anne Marie, my surrogate mother-of-the-bride. It really went well. She got along with Amy's family really well, and we got to make all sorts of wedding plan type things. We've got about 115 people on the guest list, knowing that about 10 or so won't be able to come, and possibly a few more will be added over the next few weeks. We'll need to get addresses at some point from people. Otherwise, we've decided on a DJ as oppose to live music, and we need to get info on tent sizing and pricing. Also, we need to find Kosher catering, and non-Kosher catering fairly quickly. Oh, and we've set up a time... 3:30 ceremony with reception to follow - appetizers, and hors d'oeuvres (spelling?) and cake! WEEEE!!!!
Happy snow day!

The mothers

2009-03-07T10:36:00.000-08:00

So, since my own parents will not be in attendance at the wedding, I have asked someone I used to work with, who is like a surrogate mother, to be the mother-of-the-bride. She is coming over for dinner tomorrow, and will be meeting Amy's mother and the rest of her immediate family. From there, we'll be talking about wedding plans, so hopefully we will have more to share. Also, during Spring break, I am going to start dress shopping! One more week! The bridesmaids on my side will start once I officially know where I am getting my dress and which one it is. Mostly, if I end up with the dress that I want, or one very similar to it, then I already know what the bridesmaids are going to wear. However, If my dress changes, then the other dresses will only change a little. But still. I am the one who has to make that decison. Ahhh! OK, I should head back to work soon. I just felt like posting something.

My ring!

2009-03-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

So, the ring was supposed to be in today, and guess what? It came in! I got out of my 2 PM class early, spoke to Amy, and found out that she had just picked up the ring. I was kidding at first, but I asked if she would come to shcool with it since I didn't want to wait until I got home. She went with it, and the next thing I know, she was on her way into the city. I love her for things like that. So, she walks through the door at the exact time that I need to got o my 4 PM class, and she sings our sing to me, gets down on one knee, and proposes... it didn't matter that I had done it first last week, or that i already knew that the ring was there. It was perfect, and one of the most romantic thigns she'd ever done. So, yeah... the ring is here, the ring is beautiful, and so is everything. G-d, I am such a sap sometimes, aren't I?
And, now we're moving on to the next things... we need to set up an appointment with the Rabbi that our friend is recommending, figure out music needs, and guest lists... it's grand, and and and *sigh*.
And to bed I go now...

We've set a date!

2009-03-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

Mandi and I have set a date! We're looking at Sunday, July 4, 2010. Independence Day wedding! Whee!

In other news: The ring I bought for her still isn't in. I am starting to get cross. If they cannot give me a very good reason for why it is delayed not just past the expected date, but past the promised date that they confirmed for me a week ago, this store is getting a much less favorable review than I had originally planned on. So, sadly, I have no pictures of that one yet.

Background

2009-03-01T07:15:00.001-08:00

(Cross-Posted with the Den of Shadows Blog)

In the fall of 2006, I participated in the National Student Exchange. Through NES, I spent a semester at Texas State University at San Marcos. Many wonderful things came out of this trip and I was much improved by it, but that is neither here nor there.

The point is, in December of 2006, I returned to Massachusetts, and a dear friend of mine threw me a welcome home party. I was quite cross at the time, because she had invited quite a few people I did not know, and I felt incredibly awkward. I ended up playing a board game (the Game of Life) with this girl, Mandi.

Fast-forward, and as of March of this year, 2009, Mandi and I have been dating for two years. For the sake of brevity I'll avoid listing all that makes her wonderful, suffice to say that she makes me happier than I knew I could be.

But there was full-time school and full-time jobs and real life stuff going on, and it didn't seem like a good time... but sometime in January, it dawned on me that she and I are not going to change. We will always be busy, active women, and life isn't going to suddenly pause so I can find the "right" time to get married. I realized, this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my zany, wild, sometimes complicated, busy life with. A good friend of mine pointed out that, if that's the case, then what excuses are even relevant?

Okay, I'm a little commitment shy.

Suffice to say, though, that I decided it was time. I spent a long time searching for the perfect ring. I'm a traditional gal that way. I found almost exactly what I wanted, but they had to make a couple alterations to make it perfect, so I had to order the ring. And wait.

And wait.

I had hoped it would be in by Valentine's Day, but that was a long shot... and it wasn't. I thought last weekend... but no such luck. Those who were on the "short list" of people who were in on this knew that I was more anxious every day, waiting for the ring to come in. The store told me, absolutely, by February 28, it would be in.

I have a professional day on Monday, so I figured, free day, and she's got a free day. It will be perfect. I'll set up something fun and romantic for us to do...

Then last night, she proposed.

You don't get all the details here, because she never signed the contract saying, "Every romantic thing you say or do may be copied into Wikipedia," but suffice to say, she knows me. And it was perfect. And many hours followed, in which many phone calls and IMs had to be made. I have not felt the need to tell something to so many people in so short a time since 1998 when my agent called on my fourteenth birthday.

(And this is, in some ways, even cooler than that.)

So yes, I am engaged. No, this is not an April Fools joke, or any other kind of scam. Yes, the picture (previous post) is my ring; the photo doesn't do it justice, despite a dear friend of mine trying his best to teach me how to use the macro mode on my camera. Her ring should be ready on Saturday. I hope. I'll pick it up after the Toad Hall event. We don't have a date picked out, but I think we're looking at spring/early summer 2010. It has only been twenty-seven hours since she asked the question, so... still working the details.